So it happened. The ultimate alienation when I’m asked to give one more time or else [enter something that’ll be your fault should it happen] – in my case it’s my daughter’s college – and I said no. Not again. And not when you’ve just taken away a planned visit because of some lame excuse. And not when there’s no apology or reasonable reschedule.
So I said no.
And now it’s the ultimate end game.
My kids no longer want to see me.
Forget the 20+ times I’ve gone out of my way to make something happen for them, or the time I flew across country to help her (she who should not be named), or the loans I took to pay for the [enter more-expensive-than-it-should-be item here], nope… I actually had the audacity {sarcasm} to say no, I wouldn’t be treated like a mix of a doormat and an ATM anymore, I want to be treated like a father, a provider, a PERSON who deserves the common courtesy of politeness and fairness and ‘the actual-honest-to-goodness-right-thing’ not some arbitrary interpretation of what the ex calls the right thing to do.
The “right thing to do” isn’t a threat or an ill-defined leverage, it’s not negotiable nor part of a divorce agreement. It’s also not a one way finger pointing exercise that can be used contrary to logic.
The right thing is exactly that. That given sanitized facts of a situation, a good, honest, logical person would do this action without regret. For the right reasons.
Doing the right thing does not mean doing anything unconditionally for ever. It does not mean losing values or value as a person. It does not mean letting oneself become the doormat your ex wants you to be (because she has constantly dirty shoes to wipe). No.
The right thing is keeping your values intact while doing the best you can, and without losing your soul.
So here I am. A dad without kids. A man with an ex that inspired the final straw to get exactly what she wanted.
I miss my kids already.
